Merry Christmas Eve!!! So no wine for 9 days now. My recovery is going well. But, I have to be honest. It’s because I have “training wheels”. Lots of addicts have training wheels. Chantix for smokers, diet pills or the more extreme, gastric bypass, for the overweight, for example. For me, a wine-aholic, its Antabuse. Now here is the disclaimer, I am not a doctor and not giving any medical advice. You need a prescription for this medication. Each of us have our own recovery journey. You should not take Antabuse unless you are absolutely committed to stopping alcohol. You cannot drink while on it. The side effects can be brutal…rapid heart rate, headache, flushing, vomiting, etc. And with a half life of 60-120 hours it will not be out of your body for at least a week. Here is an article about Antabuse featured in the Fix, this isn’t for everyone. You and your physician have to make that educated decision. https://www.thefix.com/content/just-how-abusive-antabuse6011?page=all
Now, I have used anatabuse successfully back in July for a total of 82 days. During that time I did go to a counselor for 3 visits and had visited AA a few times. So AA was definitely not for me. It was so cliquey and I couldn’t relate to the majority of stories being shared. I did not have a rock bottom where I lost everything, never a DWI, never a violent moment. I know AA has worked for many, it was just not going to be me. God is already an important part of my life and I don’t need AA to teach me about that topic. Although I am reading the Big Book, which is very informative. Getting together with the group I went to didn’t make me feel good about myself. It scared me enough to know I never wanted to get that bad. So for that, I thank you AA. The counselor, she pointed out that yes I am an alcoholic. I challenged that because I told her I only drink wine and in the evening. She chuckled and said that is just your addiction of choice. You don’t have to be chugging down vodka all day to be an alcoholic. She said we come in all different “shapes and sizes”. Ok I get it. What I didn’t care for is finding deep family issues as to the reason I drink. Demonizing my dad, who is a recovering alcoholic for over 35 years. He stopped drinking when I was around fourteen. He stopped because his family meant more to him than the booze. He is a wonderful, caring father but not without his personality flaws….oh wait, he is normal. Like the rest of us. So I decided not to back to the counselor. I am not interested in making up reasons and creating issues that aren’t there as to why I drink. I drink because I love the taste of wine. I enjoyed it. But, unfortunately my genetics are the problem, not my life.
So I stopped my Antabuse before finishing my 90 day supply. I thought I broke the “habit” and I could now drink like “normal” people. WRONG!! I did pretty good in the beginning but as genetics would have it, I would be up to a bottle a night (sometimes more) So I am back on the sobriety journey, with my training wheels. But I know that the training wheels will have to come off eventually. But in the meantime I am strengthening my resolve and living…. just sober.