Day 4…

Well, I am on vacation this week.  It’s Monday. I slept until 10 am.  I got up briefly @ 6:45 to make sure kids get off to school.  But I am tired.  When you give up alcohol, the abuse you have been subjecting your body to, and for me years of abuse, your body goes through withdrawal.  From all my reading and past experiences from stopping alcohol, the brain will have to  “reset”.  So I will not beat my self up as I recover.  I’ve beaten myself up enough with my alcohol abuse.  At some point I just need to be at peace with myself and pat myself on the back for giving it another go.  It is important to be patient with myself.  I didn’t get here overnight.  Healing is a process.  And recovery is about healing.  So I will enjoy being lazy today.  I will eat whatever because I know my body is going through all sorts of withdrawal.  I will not stress out and will be..just sober.

Later in the day…

As I lounged around today, I decided to revisit those surveys, “are you an alcoholic”? So I decided to take an “AUDIT” on my wine drinking habit.  http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/Tools_and_Homework/Interactive_Tools/problem-drinking-test.htm

ok I scored a 33 out of 40…dangerous drinking!!  I was actually shocked to score so high, which was bad.  A low score is good.  The reason I was shocked is because I am not a falling down drunk who has lost everything.  I do not drink first think in the morning.  I don’t stash alcohol in secret places. I certainly don’t drink those little airplane bottles of the hard stuff.  I drink (drank) wine out of a wine glass.  I would never drink and drive.  I would, for the most part take care of my responsibilities.  I am the proverbial functioning alcoholic.  Really,  its an oxymoron to me.  Functioning alcoholic?  Yes I function and I function well.  But, I am definitely functioning below my potential because of my wine consumption.  I mean lets face it, those hang over days or just days of alcohol fog do not add to my day.  Those are the days where I get nothing accomplished.  So how “functioning”  is that?  The bottom line is everyone’s functioning threshold is different.  I could definitely be “performing” at a more productive level without the booze.  For starters, if I was hung over I wouldn’t be writing this.  I think it is dangerous to add adjectives to alcoholism.  You either are one or your not.

The survey I took today tells me there are a whole lot of people drinking above the so called low-risk levels. Because, if you scored > 8 you are drinking above relatively healthy levels.  And I know plenty of friends and colleagues that would score outside this range.  but never see themselves as having issues with alcohol.  The bottom line is the world has glamourized drinking alcohol.  Making it an acceptable activity.  A necessary activity, actually.  But the reality is that too many  people’s worlds have been destroyed because of it…… I leave with this scripture as a reminder that God has something very serious to say about this topic.  Woe is very serious and it is a choice whether or not we want to bring it on ourselves.  God loves his children and he doesn’t put the woe on us. We do that to ourselves.  He knows the trouble that drinking too much can cause and  He wants us to not be overcome by its temptation and resulting destruction. (now if only I would remember and obey lol!)

Isaiah 5:22 (NIV)

²² Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine
    and champions at mixing drinks