Day 5..

Just for the record I really dislike the concept of these sober trackers.  Yet I am keeping one.  The reason I am not a fan of them because it’s not like I lived in a perpetual state of drunkenness.  I had many days of not drinking wine.  And when I did drink I was not drinking during the day.  Well, at least not when I first wake up.  That was what “real” problem drinkers do.  The “true” alcoholic. My wine consumption began in the evening.  While I was prepping and cooking dinner.  While I was watching a movie at night.  While hanging out with a friend (a non church friend, of course) or my sister. While in the hot tub with the hubby.

The sad reality is that I was and am a “true” alcoholic, a “real” problem drinker because once the bottle was open I could not just have one or two glasses.  I had to have the whole bottle.  Then open the second bottle, usually only drinking half.  Not because I had any self-control.  But because I feel asleep or passed out.  Whatever it was, I was out!  If I managed to stay “awake” I would finish bottle #2.  The frequency of not remembering things and blacking out had increased dramatically over the last few years…a sign of a problem??  But I kept telling myself the reason I would drink so much was because I loved the taste of wine.  I just wanted more and more.  It is so delicious.  And while yes it is delicious, I manage to consume a lot less of other delicious non-alcoholic drinks.  So there it is the evidence.  I can’t control my wine drinking because I am an alcoholic.  There is a saying I heard about alcoholics…”one drink is too many and a thousand isn’t enough.”  Sounds about right.   So as I wrap up day 5, I am thankful to have gotten through another day.  Tired but determined.  And living a life…just sober.🙂