Day One..again!

Ok, here I go!  Two bottles of Rose last night.  Go to bed.  Wake up around 3AM.  CRAP!  Oops I did it again.  Now, I know that is a Brittany Spears song, but it is certainly the theme song of my life lately.  Husband not in bed.  CRAP!  What did I do? What did I say?  Did my kids see me.  How did I get my pajama pants on?  Inside out nonetheless!  This has got to end.  Wait I heard that before.  Oh yeah, I have said that too many times to remember.  Shame, guilt, self-loathing, hopelessness, embarrassment, want to die!  Wasted day.  Called into work sick.  Cry, cry cry.  Blah, blah, blah.  RESET.

So how is it going to be different this time.  Well for starters, I am journaling my journey.  Maybe it will keep me accountable.  Maybe my story will help someone. Others have done it.  So why not join in.  Also, after nursing my hangover with Advil, water, tea and lots of carbs, I decide to download a sobriety app.  Twelve Steps Companion( (12 Steps AA Companion – Alcoholics Anonymous by Dean Huff
https://appsto.re/us/O2sOr.i)

Oh yeah, I told my husband I need him to be my Rock.  That entails giving me my Antabuse everyday.  Because I can’t trust myself to take it.  Oh yeah, been wrangling with this antidote for alcoholism for months now.  I was sober for 65 days not too long ago.  I felt great.  Thought I would give “controlled” wine drinking another try….NOT😜  So off I go…one day at a time.  Just Sober.